It was a great couple of weeks spending time with family and friends. It didn't start out so well, but I'm glad I stayed and realized not to let drama get to me as there is so much more to life than a little problem.
The first week I spent time with my parents and hung out with my friend. The next week I had lunch with my brother and his family, my parents, and my other brother. It was great to see my niece and nephew as I have missed them. They have grown up so much since I last seem them because Kylan was 1 and now he is talking. Kendall is 5 years old and is in cheer leading and making all 3s on her report cards. 3s are the highest you can make and I'm so proud of her.
Around Halloween I went with my friend, biological mom, and my 11 year old sister to the Black Forest and it was fun. I enjoyed the scare and spending time with my sis and biological mom. The next time I went with my sis and my brother and sis-in-law and we went to the Haunted Castle. It was fun, but not as scary as the Black Forest.
Those two weeks I also spent an hour or so with my cousins and a lot of time with my uncle and aunt. I also got to see my other aunt and that was great. I also seen my other nephew who is now 1 and his mom and dad.
It was great being home and I miss a lot of things, but I know one day that I will get to spend more time with them in the summer when I start my job after college. It will all be worth it in the end.
I like this song so I thought I would share it with everyone.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
When you think things are going well in your life..
You have to take a step back and realize that maybe you have to live the nightmare all over again. You wonder did God think we missed a valuable lesson the first time around or is the Devil trying to take away our joy. Well either way the Devil is in for a kick in the butt again this time around. We are closer as a family, love each other, and believe in the power of prayer and faith. You, you wicked beast will not defeat this family and you are only making our faith in God stronger and making our family closer.
Am I a selfish 20something year old and I will tell you no. As you read in my earlier post if someone asked me if I could make and change anything would I.?. No, I wouldn't as I would go back and do everything again. If I have to go through this with my family and if in 5 years you ask me the same thing, I would look at you in the eyes and say again, I wouldn't change a thing. I would not change a thing as I would do anything for anyone I love and care about especially my family. If that means going home and than I would do it in a heart beat. My education will still happen, but I will be there for my family all over again.
My family went through this 5 years ago and you know what we made it out on the other side. We will make it out AGAIN on the other side. WE CAN and WE WILL, nothing will stand in our way if this is God's plan and the Devil will not tear us down. These 5 years again will be tough if it is what they think it is, but these 5 years will bring even more joy, love, and most of all Faith.
Devil, you will not conquer my family and you will not win. We will not let you as we are God's children and we are in His hands.
God you know how much we love you. We thank-you everyday for your love and grace in our lives. We come before you and ask that your will be done in our lives and we pray that your grace, love, and guidance will be there for us along the way. We are in your hands and our faith will only be greater no matter what happens in finding out the tests. We love you and we will ask this in your name. Amen.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Who am I and What is it going to take to be a family..
If someone asked me if I could go back in time and change one thing what would it be? I would take a minute probably think about it and then tell him/her nothing. This is the path that God has chosen for me to take and this is what I have become because of it.
I have many siblings and most of them have no clue how I grew up, what I've been through, and what I know. I know that I don't know how most of them grew up or what they went through, but that doesn't mean they can cause drama and hurt to everyone around them. Sit back and read about your sister and realize I've been through it all.
I was born into a broken relationship with just a mom and a dad who never was around. I lived with my aunt and uncle until I was 6 months old and then went to my aunt who is now my mom, I lived with her up until 23 years of age. I was adopted when I was young along with my brother to a loving family. My brother came to my family whom I share the same biological mother and father because a man whom my bioligical mother was married to, hit him. A year or a few years later my biological mother wrote a note stating that she wanted my mom to adopted us. My mom asked us and we both said yes we wanted to be adopted. I remember like it was yesterday talking to that social worker saying I wanted to be adopted because I didn't want my biological mother or father or biological family on his side to take us away from my mommy and daddy. Yes, my mommy and daddy who have loved me from the moment I entered their life.
Fast forward a few years here is the same biological mother in and out of my life for all the right and wrong reasons. It caused a lot of unnecessary pain in my life and my brother's life. Most adults don't realize that a child can be hurt and has feelings too. Their heartcan be broken into a million pieces and can be influenced greatly. Where was my biological father you ask? Not around, never a day have I seen that man and if I did, it was when I was young and I don't remember him. The man who brought me into this world then left like I was nothing to him.
Fast forward to my teenage years and yet again here is the same mom in and out of my life. Yes, I eventually told her off and forgave her, but that still doesn't stop the hurt deep with inside. Where is the biological dad you ask again? No where to be seen from or heard from. I made a decision that when I turned 18 I was going to meet the man that brought me into this world and tell him that I forgave him for everything that he did to me. I was going to kill him with kindness even though he broke my heart with hurt. A year and a few months before I turned 18 he died in the jail cell before I had the chance to meet him. I was so upset and hurt by this because I never got to say things I wanted to say or tell him I didn't hate him, but loved him even though he left me without knowing him. This was the year I decided I wanted to move away from everything and everyone to California, but as you see that didn't happen. There are many reasons for that and you will soon find out what they were.
Now I'm 20 years old and a few months shy of being 21. My grandpa has moved in with us and my family is about to take a turn for the worse. My brother who is now my brother because of adoption is diagonsed with Leukemia. You can't even begin to imagine how bad that hurt to find that out. When you find something like that out, you only think the worse. I wish I could say I realized what I had in front of me, but I didn't until a year later. I did let the hurt slowly fade away within the first year of my brother's diagonises.
Fast forward one year and exactly one year and my mother, the one who loved and raised me, was diagonsied with breast cancer. At that very moment my world came crashing down. I never realized what I had until it could be taken away. I looked at my mom when I found out and asked mommy are you going to die and your not going to leave me right? I still have so much more growing up to do and I need you, I can't live without you being in my life and I don't want to. It was that moment in time that I stopped thinking about what everyone did to me and what I had in front of me.
What I had in front of me was two loving parents who selfishly took me into their lives and raised my brother and I as their own. Another loving brother who even though we are 5 years apart loved me as if I was his biological sister. A mother who stayed home with us and took care of us if we were sick and loved us no matter what. A father who provided for his family and who truely showed me what a dad was even though my biological father wasn't a man to stick around and show me what it was.
Those few years were heck with doctor visits, hospital stays, treatments, and everything in between. I almost lost my brother once and I'm glad I didn't lose him. You know what it only made my family and I stronger. It brought us closer and brought me closer to God again. God brought my parents into my life along with my brother and He kept them in my life. If it wasn't for this, I would be out in Cali and not talking to anyone or writing this to you.
What I went through in my life and what is listed up there isn't even half of it, it could have made me a bitter person. Could have made me hate my biological mother and father and regret my siblings that I have, but it didn't. It taught me to love, to forgive, to live each day like it is my last. God put me through all of that to make me the person I am today. A person who hates drama, who loves everyone and will give everyone more chances then what they deserve. A person if you hurt me then I will still love you and unselfishly will let you hurt me again if you want, but will keep giving you a 3rd, 4th or 5th chance. Why? God gave me the ability to love and forgive and I have loved and forgiven a lot in my life time. I wear my heart on my sleeve and you will realize that, but I will fight for my family the ones who raised me and my two brothers. I might not fight for myself, but I will fight to the death for them. Even now with my niece and nephews I have, I will do it for them too.
Why is it so hard for all of you to just put your differences aside and how you grew up to get to know each other. We the siblings didn't do anything to each other as we were put on this earth for a purpose. Now some of us has kids so this should be the major reason why these differences should be put aside for that generation. We should be leading by example and break the curse of not getting along. Our parents don't get a long so why shouldn't we break that and just get a long civily at least. We don't have to be all buddy buddy, but we can keep comments to ourselves, and be civil in front of the kids and each other when we see each other.
All I am asking if for two hours of your time to put aside our differences, get together for at least the kids, and act like mature adults. Honestly is that to much to ask of every one of you.?. We all have been through a lot in our lives and most of it isn't even our fault. Your siblings are the ones who are going to be there long after your parents, aunt and uncles are gone.Do you not want a relationship with someone who you can call and talk to if your having a bad day when your parents are no longer around. We are all each other has when everyone is gone.
Now I said my peace so it is up to you to go forward and try to make this work and become a sibling group who can count on each other or at least try to be civil and stop the drama.
I'm trying to take back what has been taken from all of us. That is the chance to get to know each other and be apart of each others lives and actually to get to grow up with each other now.
MY wish to all of you
I have many siblings and most of them have no clue how I grew up, what I've been through, and what I know. I know that I don't know how most of them grew up or what they went through, but that doesn't mean they can cause drama and hurt to everyone around them. Sit back and read about your sister and realize I've been through it all.
I was born into a broken relationship with just a mom and a dad who never was around. I lived with my aunt and uncle until I was 6 months old and then went to my aunt who is now my mom, I lived with her up until 23 years of age. I was adopted when I was young along with my brother to a loving family. My brother came to my family whom I share the same biological mother and father because a man whom my bioligical mother was married to, hit him. A year or a few years later my biological mother wrote a note stating that she wanted my mom to adopted us. My mom asked us and we both said yes we wanted to be adopted. I remember like it was yesterday talking to that social worker saying I wanted to be adopted because I didn't want my biological mother or father or biological family on his side to take us away from my mommy and daddy. Yes, my mommy and daddy who have loved me from the moment I entered their life.
Fast forward a few years here is the same biological mother in and out of my life for all the right and wrong reasons. It caused a lot of unnecessary pain in my life and my brother's life. Most adults don't realize that a child can be hurt and has feelings too. Their heartcan be broken into a million pieces and can be influenced greatly. Where was my biological father you ask? Not around, never a day have I seen that man and if I did, it was when I was young and I don't remember him. The man who brought me into this world then left like I was nothing to him.
Fast forward to my teenage years and yet again here is the same mom in and out of my life. Yes, I eventually told her off and forgave her, but that still doesn't stop the hurt deep with inside. Where is the biological dad you ask again? No where to be seen from or heard from. I made a decision that when I turned 18 I was going to meet the man that brought me into this world and tell him that I forgave him for everything that he did to me. I was going to kill him with kindness even though he broke my heart with hurt. A year and a few months before I turned 18 he died in the jail cell before I had the chance to meet him. I was so upset and hurt by this because I never got to say things I wanted to say or tell him I didn't hate him, but loved him even though he left me without knowing him. This was the year I decided I wanted to move away from everything and everyone to California, but as you see that didn't happen. There are many reasons for that and you will soon find out what they were.
Now I'm 20 years old and a few months shy of being 21. My grandpa has moved in with us and my family is about to take a turn for the worse. My brother who is now my brother because of adoption is diagonsed with Leukemia. You can't even begin to imagine how bad that hurt to find that out. When you find something like that out, you only think the worse. I wish I could say I realized what I had in front of me, but I didn't until a year later. I did let the hurt slowly fade away within the first year of my brother's diagonises.
Fast forward one year and exactly one year and my mother, the one who loved and raised me, was diagonsied with breast cancer. At that very moment my world came crashing down. I never realized what I had until it could be taken away. I looked at my mom when I found out and asked mommy are you going to die and your not going to leave me right? I still have so much more growing up to do and I need you, I can't live without you being in my life and I don't want to. It was that moment in time that I stopped thinking about what everyone did to me and what I had in front of me.
What I had in front of me was two loving parents who selfishly took me into their lives and raised my brother and I as their own. Another loving brother who even though we are 5 years apart loved me as if I was his biological sister. A mother who stayed home with us and took care of us if we were sick and loved us no matter what. A father who provided for his family and who truely showed me what a dad was even though my biological father wasn't a man to stick around and show me what it was.
Those few years were heck with doctor visits, hospital stays, treatments, and everything in between. I almost lost my brother once and I'm glad I didn't lose him. You know what it only made my family and I stronger. It brought us closer and brought me closer to God again. God brought my parents into my life along with my brother and He kept them in my life. If it wasn't for this, I would be out in Cali and not talking to anyone or writing this to you.
What I went through in my life and what is listed up there isn't even half of it, it could have made me a bitter person. Could have made me hate my biological mother and father and regret my siblings that I have, but it didn't. It taught me to love, to forgive, to live each day like it is my last. God put me through all of that to make me the person I am today. A person who hates drama, who loves everyone and will give everyone more chances then what they deserve. A person if you hurt me then I will still love you and unselfishly will let you hurt me again if you want, but will keep giving you a 3rd, 4th or 5th chance. Why? God gave me the ability to love and forgive and I have loved and forgiven a lot in my life time. I wear my heart on my sleeve and you will realize that, but I will fight for my family the ones who raised me and my two brothers. I might not fight for myself, but I will fight to the death for them. Even now with my niece and nephews I have, I will do it for them too.
Why is it so hard for all of you to just put your differences aside and how you grew up to get to know each other. We the siblings didn't do anything to each other as we were put on this earth for a purpose. Now some of us has kids so this should be the major reason why these differences should be put aside for that generation. We should be leading by example and break the curse of not getting along. Our parents don't get a long so why shouldn't we break that and just get a long civily at least. We don't have to be all buddy buddy, but we can keep comments to ourselves, and be civil in front of the kids and each other when we see each other.
All I am asking if for two hours of your time to put aside our differences, get together for at least the kids, and act like mature adults. Honestly is that to much to ask of every one of you.?. We all have been through a lot in our lives and most of it isn't even our fault. Your siblings are the ones who are going to be there long after your parents, aunt and uncles are gone.Do you not want a relationship with someone who you can call and talk to if your having a bad day when your parents are no longer around. We are all each other has when everyone is gone.
Now I said my peace so it is up to you to go forward and try to make this work and become a sibling group who can count on each other or at least try to be civil and stop the drama.
I'm trying to take back what has been taken from all of us. That is the chance to get to know each other and be apart of each others lives and actually to get to grow up with each other now.
MY wish to all of you
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Randomness
School is going great and I'm trying to improve my grade in History. It is done, it is over with, and now lets move on. Well that wasn't what I thought in high school as I actually enjoyed History as it was one of my favorite classes beside English. I wish I could just get into this subject now as I used to.
Going back home in about 2 weeks to visit for a quick trip. I have a lot of things to do and people to see in the span of a week to a week and a half. Here is a quick run down of what is defitnely scheduled:
Oct.28th-1st Sibling Get together at Pizza Hut(check facebook for more info) and pics
Oct.31st- My nephew, Jaxson's 1st birthday part and Halloween
Nov. 2nd- Early Thanksgiving Dinner since I'm not going to be home
Plus to squeeze these things in:
A girls night out
Taking the family out to Golden Carol
Taking my parents and brother to Olive Garden for a late birthday present for my mom
Taking pics for a family portrait
Watching my niece&nephew for a few hours so my brother and sis-in-law can go out
Hopefully going swimming or bowling with my niece,nephew, brother, sister, and sis-in-law
Visting family and friends
I can't wait to get home and spend time with everyone. This trip is long over due and I miss everyone dearly. Maybe I can get my tests scheduled earlier so we can take longer to go home and maybe stop in TN to see an old high school friend.
Speaking of TN, I may decide to move closer to home. This is a decision that I have a year and half to make because I want to finish school before I make a change like that. Don't get me wrong I love living in NC, but I also like TN. This means I will be closer to my family and that is very important to me. I want to be closer to my family, but not where all the drama is.
As you can see on facebook, I updated it with a lot of pictures from over the years so take a look if you would like. I need to get a pic of my niece and two nephews together. They are growing up so fast and I love them very much. This maybe another reason I would move to TN so I can be closer.
Going back home in about 2 weeks to visit for a quick trip. I have a lot of things to do and people to see in the span of a week to a week and a half. Here is a quick run down of what is defitnely scheduled:
Oct.28th-1st Sibling Get together at Pizza Hut(check facebook for more info) and pics
Oct.31st- My nephew, Jaxson's 1st birthday part and Halloween
Nov. 2nd- Early Thanksgiving Dinner since I'm not going to be home
Plus to squeeze these things in:
A girls night out
Taking the family out to Golden Carol
Taking my parents and brother to Olive Garden for a late birthday present for my mom
Taking pics for a family portrait
Watching my niece&nephew for a few hours so my brother and sis-in-law can go out
Hopefully going swimming or bowling with my niece,nephew, brother, sister, and sis-in-law
Visting family and friends
I can't wait to get home and spend time with everyone. This trip is long over due and I miss everyone dearly. Maybe I can get my tests scheduled earlier so we can take longer to go home and maybe stop in TN to see an old high school friend.
Speaking of TN, I may decide to move closer to home. This is a decision that I have a year and half to make because I want to finish school before I make a change like that. Don't get me wrong I love living in NC, but I also like TN. This means I will be closer to my family and that is very important to me. I want to be closer to my family, but not where all the drama is.
As you can see on facebook, I updated it with a lot of pictures from over the years so take a look if you would like. I need to get a pic of my niece and two nephews together. They are growing up so fast and I love them very much. This maybe another reason I would move to TN so I can be closer.
Well that is for now so I wish everyone a Blessed Day!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I'm in school.....
and actually like being in it this time. I actually want to do the homework at least most of the time anyways, but I do it no matter what. I enjoy going to college online and it is has it ups and downs. I don't have a to go to class and sit in a classroom, but it is harder because you don't have the lectures and you study on your own. Homework is due in a week or two then the next day or so and this makes for putting it off.
I found a lot more things to do in the state I'm living in. It only took about 2 years since being here and I'm glad to be back here then living in VA. Can you believe I have been on for almost 2 years? I know I sure can't and it doesn't seem real. It just seems like yesterday that I moved here.
I'll be heading home in October to see everyone. I can't wait and it such an overdue trip back home and I'm going to stop on the way to actually try a new restaurant. Skyline Chili is something I always wanted to try and it will be a great time to try it since I have to go through Ohio.
Well I hope I pass every class and maybe I'll come close to getting on the dean's list.
I found a lot more things to do in the state I'm living in. It only took about 2 years since being here and I'm glad to be back here then living in VA. Can you believe I have been on for almost 2 years? I know I sure can't and it doesn't seem real. It just seems like yesterday that I moved here.
I'll be heading home in October to see everyone. I can't wait and it such an overdue trip back home and I'm going to stop on the way to actually try a new restaurant. Skyline Chili is something I always wanted to try and it will be a great time to try it since I have to go through Ohio.
Well I hope I pass every class and maybe I'll come close to getting on the dean's list.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Back Home!!
WOW, I never thought I would ever say that about any state, but my home state. It honestly does feel like my home away from home. It is just so weird to say that, but it is the truth and for once I can actually admit that to myself without feeling bad about saying it.
Everyone asks me why I moved and honestly there is a lot of reasons for the move. One of the main reasons is to get away from family drama. Everywhere you go, I know there will be drama, but your family shouldn't be the reason behind that drama. One day I want to get married and raise a family, but I wouldn't be able to do that back home because of all the drama. At least I know when I get married, it will be better to raise my family here and not have to worry what a family member is going to say or do to cause emotional turmoil in my family. I hate to say it, but honestly that is one of the main reasons and it shouldn't have been a reason at all.
The second main reason is to make a better life for myself and my future family. Jobs are scarce back home right now and I want to make money that I can live a comfortable life and have the opportunity to go back home to my first home in the summers without that worry. There are better opportunities out here then there is in my home state and if it meant moving 11hrs away to do that, I know it was for the best.
The third reason, I wanted to actually say I lived on my own in another state, not even a state over, but many states over. Most people can't even say that, they are still living in the same state that they were raised in and never get the opportunity to live away from home. Most people are scared to and I didn't want to be scared to. I wanted the chance to say look I went to college and lived away from home and now I'm ready for the family life. Most people jump into the family life and sometimes regret the things they missed out on and never had the chance to experience and I didn't want to dwell on that in the back of my mind. Yes, I want to be married and I would love for it to happen now, but God must have a few more lessons to teach me or a few more things for me to see before that happens.
I know I want to experience what God wants me to experience. He obviously has a purpose for me to be out here and this obviously was apart of His plan for my life so lets see where He wants to lead me. You never know what the future holds and He may lead me right back to my home state to raise a family and continue what He has for my life.
Yes, everyday I live with the missing out on birthdays, get-togethers, and many other fun outings and it is hard. It is hard missing out on those amazing milestones in my siblings and niece and nephews' lives. I already missed two birthdays of my nephew and missed for the first time my niece's birthday and it kills me, but I know I have many more opportunities to have with them with birthdays and everything else they will do in life. I just want to see pictures and I love talking to them when I talk to them on the phone. When I see them, I cherish every moment that I get to spend with them as they grow up way to quickly.
What it comes down to is I miss a lot of things, but I'm also learning a lot of things and doing a lot of things out there to. I know it doesn't make up for the things I miss doing with the family, but it makes it a little bit easier knowing that one day my career will enable me to spend the summer at home with my family. I know God has a reason or reasons for me to be out here or I wouldn't be and I will eventually understand why He has me out here other then the reasons for myself. This was in His plans for my life so I take everyday one day at a time.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
Everyone asks me why I moved and honestly there is a lot of reasons for the move. One of the main reasons is to get away from family drama. Everywhere you go, I know there will be drama, but your family shouldn't be the reason behind that drama. One day I want to get married and raise a family, but I wouldn't be able to do that back home because of all the drama. At least I know when I get married, it will be better to raise my family here and not have to worry what a family member is going to say or do to cause emotional turmoil in my family. I hate to say it, but honestly that is one of the main reasons and it shouldn't have been a reason at all.
The second main reason is to make a better life for myself and my future family. Jobs are scarce back home right now and I want to make money that I can live a comfortable life and have the opportunity to go back home to my first home in the summers without that worry. There are better opportunities out here then there is in my home state and if it meant moving 11hrs away to do that, I know it was for the best.
The third reason, I wanted to actually say I lived on my own in another state, not even a state over, but many states over. Most people can't even say that, they are still living in the same state that they were raised in and never get the opportunity to live away from home. Most people are scared to and I didn't want to be scared to. I wanted the chance to say look I went to college and lived away from home and now I'm ready for the family life. Most people jump into the family life and sometimes regret the things they missed out on and never had the chance to experience and I didn't want to dwell on that in the back of my mind. Yes, I want to be married and I would love for it to happen now, but God must have a few more lessons to teach me or a few more things for me to see before that happens.
I know I want to experience what God wants me to experience. He obviously has a purpose for me to be out here and this obviously was apart of His plan for my life so lets see where He wants to lead me. You never know what the future holds and He may lead me right back to my home state to raise a family and continue what He has for my life.
Yes, everyday I live with the missing out on birthdays, get-togethers, and many other fun outings and it is hard. It is hard missing out on those amazing milestones in my siblings and niece and nephews' lives. I already missed two birthdays of my nephew and missed for the first time my niece's birthday and it kills me, but I know I have many more opportunities to have with them with birthdays and everything else they will do in life. I just want to see pictures and I love talking to them when I talk to them on the phone. When I see them, I cherish every moment that I get to spend with them as they grow up way to quickly.
What it comes down to is I miss a lot of things, but I'm also learning a lot of things and doing a lot of things out there to. I know it doesn't make up for the things I miss doing with the family, but it makes it a little bit easier knowing that one day my career will enable me to spend the summer at home with my family. I know God has a reason or reasons for me to be out here or I wouldn't be and I will eventually understand why He has me out here other then the reasons for myself. This was in His plans for my life so I take everyday one day at a time.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
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